fear.. LOVE .. hate
April 30th 2007 14:31
deleted.
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feelings - April 2007
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Not ever. Never ever going to stop.
April 30th 2007 13:49
I want to let you delve into my deepest thoughts but I think you would all find them far too full on. To me though, they are just thoughts, to others they may see them as a sign of me acting upon them? Some I do act on. Others are just ideas and ways to achieve my goal quicker, though I would never act upon them.
Some of you probably could not handle the bare nakedness, bluntness; rawness of my words. I don't say that to be nasty I just say it because it is truth.
They are just fucking thoughts though. Everyone has thoughts.
Can you sort of get the picture, or you may, that I have no more time for ignorance, naivety and judgmental people. Hypocritical of me to mention Naivety, as I happen to be so naive myself. But still, no time!
Bulimia is relief. Mia is my best friend. When nothing else or no other soul is there to aid me with whatever it is I am feeling wanting needing or trying to confide about, Mia is always there.
Currently I am sitting on my chair with a pillow against my stomach incase I feel any fat at all around it the pressure from sitting against it holds in what fat I think is there, but what I am told doesn’t exist.
I feel it, I feel it everywhere. My bones are surrounded by it and I want it to partly dissolve to create a beautiful svelte figure. Pft!
FUCK!
I am at the point where I actually laugh at my condition; I am used to feeling filthy.
I don't want people feeling sorry for me or trying to talk me out of it. I appreciate your sympathy and your kind words and compliments towards me. I truly do. It means a lot people take so much time out to try to convince me otherwise with what I do and the decisions I make. It kills me that I kill those around me with what it is I do.
But I will not; cannot stop this until I see in the mirror what I yearn to see.
I cannot escape nor break free from Mia's grasp;
And honestly, I do not wish to.
Not yet.
Not ever?
Some of you probably could not handle the bare nakedness, bluntness; rawness of my words. I don't say that to be nasty I just say it because it is truth.
They are just fucking thoughts though. Everyone has thoughts.
Can you sort of get the picture, or you may, that I have no more time for ignorance, naivety and judgmental people. Hypocritical of me to mention Naivety, as I happen to be so naive myself. But still, no time!
Bulimia is relief. Mia is my best friend. When nothing else or no other soul is there to aid me with whatever it is I am feeling wanting needing or trying to confide about, Mia is always there.
Currently I am sitting on my chair with a pillow against my stomach incase I feel any fat at all around it the pressure from sitting against it holds in what fat I think is there, but what I am told doesn’t exist.
I feel it, I feel it everywhere. My bones are surrounded by it and I want it to partly dissolve to create a beautiful svelte figure. Pft!
FUCK!
I am at the point where I actually laugh at my condition; I am used to feeling filthy.
I don't want people feeling sorry for me or trying to talk me out of it. I appreciate your sympathy and your kind words and compliments towards me. I truly do. It means a lot people take so much time out to try to convince me otherwise with what I do and the decisions I make. It kills me that I kill those around me with what it is I do.
But I will not; cannot stop this until I see in the mirror what I yearn to see.
I cannot escape nor break free from Mia's grasp;
And honestly, I do not wish to.
Not yet.
Not ever?
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over it.
April 30th 2007 04:53
MATURE CONTENT
Read More never ending, viz is back!
April 25th 2007 23:32
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vs.
April 14th 2007 02:52
In seconds..
You can cover poxy skin with concealer..
you can cover greys with hair dye[ Click here to read more ]
You can cover poxy skin with concealer..
you can cover greys with hair dye
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here we go
April 11th 2007 22:22
So once again I have been slack, I haven't had much to share with anyone, Im still on the same rollercoaster.
Yep havent got out of the Mia cycle yet, still purging here and there, still fasting here and there, not achieving much results due to the fact I don't stick with it from guilt I obtain.
I feel bad when I do it, I hate hurting those close to me[ Click here to read more ]
Yep havent got out of the Mia cycle yet, still purging here and there, still fasting here and there, not achieving much results due to the fact I don't stick with it from guilt I obtain.
I feel bad when I do it, I hate hurting those close to me
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trust.wish.blood.punishment
April 3rd 2007 13:38
Been a while since I have posted..
I haven't really had any alone time, not enough time to dwell on bullshit
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