December 2007 - Feelings

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feelings - December 2007

Merry Christmas to all and may you have a wonderful New Year.

December 20th 2007 09:19

Christmas decorations

I've had a wonderful time on Orble and to-morrow is our Company Christmas Party.

I've been designated to attend the staff Christmas party first and when that finishes officially at 7.00 p.m. I'll be going on to the executive party which will be a very "swish" affair.

My company is successful financially and they don't stint on the costs and everyone really looks forward to the day and night. I expect the staff party will continue to the wee small hours, especially as it's a Friday night and they have the weekend to recover.

I'm not taking Jim, I think it is too early in our relationship and he's of a similar view.

Since I've come out of myself so much I am expecting to enjoy the parties more than any previous ones and I really feel quite excited, would you believe.

This will be the beginning of a two week holiday for me, so I shan't be posting again until some time next year, depending how everything gets back into gear at Orble and whether there's many others around.

Next year I hope to post more on feelings generally rather than just my own, but it has been a wonderful and productive experience for me and everyone has been so helpful and I really like that, it's a way of communicating that does not leave one so vulnerable as when opens up more in public and the real world.

I wonder how others feel about this. At least it is not the Dr. Phil kind of exposure.

2008 should be a very significant year for me and I'm wondering if anyone else feels that about themselves.

So, I'll catch up with all my comments and then I'll be off. See you all next year for another wonderful Orble experience.

I haven't worked out what I'm doing with my holidays but Jim's having two weeks off too so it should be good.

So it's au revoir for this year and may everyone have a wonderful Christmas.

Santa is bringing gifts.

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Posted By: Krystal - Category: No Category

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Crystal's feeling happy and relaxed.

December 17th 2007 09:08

Flowers in the vase

I had a really nice weekend with Jim. He came over Saturday afternoon for what was going to be our 'talking' weekend.

It was pretty awkward really, fortunately Tinkerbelle is a great distractor so she was the ice breaker.

Both of us seemed somewhat tongue tied and we ended up strolling around the garden, hand in hand, both of us liking a garden but neither of us having any skills that way. I picked a bunch of flowers and took them back inside to arrange in a vase and Jim settled himself in the sunroom. When I'd finished arranging my pickings I took the vase back in with me and took them out to the sunroom to join Jim, setting the vase on a special table I used there for holding such things with the odd book or two that was generally lying around.

Jim said how much he loved that room and I asked him what his place was like.

"Pretty barren", he informed me. "But you'll see for yourself tomorrow when you come over. I don't think you're going to be too impressed." I offered to bring some flowers but he admitted he didn't have a vase.

We talked of his childhood and his mum's struggles bringing up four boys on her own.

He didn't mind admitting he did feel rather inadequate as a male as he'd had no father figure but at least his mum didn't have a string of boyfriends and he felt good about that.

Four boys together were pretty unruly and they'd more or less brought themselves up, leaving mum to do the cooking cleaning and washing, you know how it is.

But I didn't. I'd had a very conventional upbringing and our dad's presence was always felt.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Jim's place was pretty bare and he was rather embarassed about it. I understood but wondered what our future prospects would be like, but neither of us were ready for the long term commitment as yet.

Christmas came up and as arranged already Jim is to come to our place for Christmas dinner and he'd go elsewhere for tea and whether he joined his mum or his brothers I left up to him, it really wasn't any of my business and I thought to introduce me to his mum seemed rather premature.

He seemed rather relieved, but it seems we still have a long way to go in getting to know each other. These things do take time and I felt pleased that I wasn't the type that would just hop into bed and worry about other things later, by then it was too late and girls seemed to get rather desperate trying to snare a male who had never expressed any desire in a long term relationship let alone with them.

So, having had our talk and moving a long a bit I felt much more relaxed and comfortable.

I really wanted to enjoy Christmas, especially as I'd be having a hard earned two weeks off.

By Sunday afternoon, back at my place together Jim and I started to relax more in each other's company and he said how much he was looking forward to another family day with my folks. He was not alone in that, I was too.

I'm feeling a certain relief tonight and I am going to try to worry a lot less, but Jim and I will need to continue talking before we make any plans for a future, meanwhile we enjoy each other's company and continue to feel passionate in our encounters and that is certainly very nice.

Four mouths to feed

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Posted By: Krystal - Category: No Category

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Crystal's feeling happy but she and Jim have some sorting out to do.

December 13th 2007 11:42

Happiness

I think this weekend will be a turning point in Jim's and my relationship, we are strongly attracted to each other but there has to be more to a relationship than that. I know what I want from life but I'm not sure that Jim does, he seems to pull away from any sort of commitment and seems to have just left girls when they started wanting something more permanent.

He has done well in his job which is very important and owns his own place and they are big starters, he has a way with women so will never want for female company but I want a man with an eye for the future so this weekend will be a big one when I get to see his place and we talk a bit more about his family.

I know my parents will want someone with a more conventional background although they will be sympathetic to Jim's circumstances and respect his accomplishments but they will be a bit worried, as I am, that he may have been emotionally scarred as a man which may affect his ability to cope with the normal family stressors.

So, this weekend will be a talking weekend, rather than a playing one. I am far from being ready to commit myself so one way or another nothing much will be lost.

Christmas is such an importand time for my family and I seem to have been almost asleep as to the realities of life for the last few years, and even before then when my life was all study and nothing much else.

I've decided I'm going back to ballet classes again next year, purely for the interest and exercise, not because I expect to become a ballerina although my mum would have thought that would have been lovely. She has to admit, that like dad, I have been something of an enigma to them, they thought I'd fit the mould a bit more, after all , all the others did? why me? I ask myself. It is quite amusing in its own way.

Tinkerbelle is in a very playful mood tonight so I don't think she is going to allow me to write much more, she's already been chasing the mouse around and I get the distinct impression she is ready to plonk herself on my keyboard.

Thursday is a strange day,just one more day to the weekend, and to-morrow I know I shall feel so much different. I'm quite happy in my job, it's just that sometimes I feel I'd rather not go to work, I think I'm getting a little clucky, it's a bit soon for that, considering I've only just recently acquired a new boyfriend and we do have some sorting out to do.

I've thrown away my social hangups and realise that I was not nearly as socially inept as I thought just a slow starter. I'm sure that blogging has brought me out of myself a lot, whoever would have believed I'd be doing this.

I don't know that I've demonstrated much in the way of feelings in this post, but there are feelings there, covered over by a pervading tiredness.

I know I should count my blessings, but most of us never do, isn't that true?

How differently we all feel about things, I'm sure that makes life even more complicated than it is already, but overall I feel happy, I'm getting on with life and that is what it's all about really. What do you think? or else, if you prefer it, feel?