November 2008 - Feelings

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feelings - November 2008

Crystal loves being married, BUT.....

November 25th 2008 10:00

We had such a wonderful wedding, every girl's dream come true. The honeymoon was an idyllic dream and love making a new experience shared.

But, as you know, we returned to the financial crisis. Now, for me, that is not a great concern, although I certainly feel for those being affected by it. But, for Andrew, it was a nightmare, we were away at a very bad time and although our company is financially strong, they really do have to make arrangements for future events and Andrew has had to come up to speed very quickly on all those matters for which he was not present and the problems continue to grow. His job is secure, but there will have to be changes.

I am so sorry I am so late with this post, I hoped to get it done Sunday evening but things didn't work out too well that way.

At least Andrew was home for the weekend but he had worked so hard on his return and put in some long hours that, for the most part, all he wanted to do was sleep.

Mother fed us Sunday, again, but really I should not be relying on her so much.

But playing the good little housewife is not for me. I'm just not any good at it but I realize I really do need to improve, but that, for me, is not easy.

I am in a complete muddle. I went off to do the shopping but I was totally ill equipped for it as I had not any sense of planning a week's menus, at all.

But at least the frig is stocked and the pantry full and surely I should be able to muster up something.

For me to cook cakes takes almost a week's planning and to be quite truthful, for me, almost a week's cleaning up.

I'm trying to be GOOD as I've been following some food and health blogs and realize that shop prepared food leaves a lot to be desired.

Andrew just wants to eat when he's hungry and even a take away will do him, but I feel just so guilty as I should be able to take care of the home front while he is devoting so much necessary time to work at the moment.

It has all come as such a HUGE shock and I know others have so much more to complain about than I do, but nevertheless these are the things that worry me.

And really I do have a very undemanding husband, domestically, he is very easily pleased.

I feel incompetent for marriage and all the tedium it brings with it.

I yearn for our pre-marriage carefree existence, but after all, there are only two of us, surely I should be able to cope.

Somehow, I muddled through last week and the weekend was very laid back but I didn't really feel like cleaning up after two too much.

I'm naturally clean and tidy when there is just me, but all of that has changed, and I have a husband who seems to be asleep all the time.

Well, I've had a bit of time to think. My job, for me, is not stressful, I am engaged to watch out over technical aspects of the company's work which is very varied but I do this very easily and very well, but I am just not interested in domesticity and it is no use pretending that I am going to be, despite the none too subtle looks Mother and Father exchange. They don't think I notice but I do.

So what I have decided to do is have the cleaners in, once a week on a Friday, send the ironing out, try to develop some meal planning skills, and insist Andrew helps with the shopping except for the presumably rare occasions when he has had to work so hard himself.

Washing is not really difficult and the dryer will be used as much as possible to save the time and effort in hanging it out.

There'll be no more ballet, but I am going to walk at least three times a week and plan to have a swim regularly at the local swimming centre which is quite handy so that it will be both easy to get to and time saving.

Tinkerbelle has been a great comfort, after all a sleeping husband doesn't really do much for me, except when I'm in bed and sleeping too.

It has become just so routine now, going to bed with another person, rather than sleeping on my own.

I knew that double bed I bought when I moved into my own home, on my own, would come in handy someday and it's great to have that extra space when sleeping on ones' own but it's delightful now to have a man to cuddle up to, even though he's dead to the world more often than he's awake now.

Well, I hope I've struck a nerve with some females who share the guilt feeling I have and once again I have to admit it is much easier to solve problems when one has money rather than, as many experience, being short of it.

I'm going to turn in myself now, Andrew just fell into bed as soon as he'd finished his dinner, simple meal though it was, there was plenty of it and Andrew tucked in with great gusto.

So now I'm going to join him, but, if the last week or so is any guide he'll barely move as I get in, let alone wake up.

I must admit I enjoy this little surreptitious activity, I would have told Andrew by now, but he's been much too tired to take much notice of anything I have to say.

So, for now, it's just our little secret, quite exciting really. Perhaps that is why so many do it.

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Posted By: Krystal - Category: No Category

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Crystal delights in telling you she is now “Mrs. Andrew”

November 17th 2008 21:53

I’m really sorry I’ve been away for so long. Things just got too much for me before the wedding, but Mum took over in her quiet, non-intrusive and capable way, as always.

I don’t know what I would have done without her.

The wedding and reception took off without a hitch and naturally we got married in a Church and in white for me. I certainly had deserved my white wedding and the gown was just wonderful, I had it especially made by an exclusive dressmaker, who is so proud of her work and is really tuned into the bride’s wishes and needs.

The bridesmaids and flower girls looked wonderful and the Church was a mass of flowers, very fresh, I could smell them as I made my way with Dad down the aisle.

All the men involved were dressed conservatively and looked wonderful dressed up, as men usually do, on the sometimes rare occasions we see them this way.

The little page boy carrying the rings on a satin cushion was just so proud of his duties and he’s still only three but very outgoing but he took his role very seriously.

His parents were so proud of him.

We went to the reception in Rolls Royce cars and the food and music pleased everyone. The photographer was unobtrusive and Mum says the photos are fabulous.

Andrew and I are going over there to-morrow to see them as Mum took care of everything while we were away.

Hayman Island was just a dream and such a lovely island in such a beautiful spot in the world. We could not have wished for more.

We got home a week before we needed to get back to work and took off for a motoring end to our Honeymoon just calling into rainforests and beaches in secluded places and spending each night at some old fashioned venue whenever we were lucky enough to find one.

It was the holiday of a lifetime and Andrew is beside himself now that he can have sex but I’m still a little shy that way, but it was worth the wait and I have now turned 30, and with those minutes ticking by on the biological clock we are anxious to start our family, but Andrew still wanted to wait 2 years, I would have settled for 1 but six months seems a more likely time.

Needless to say he is now just a touch ‘broke’ with the cost of the Honeymoon and with the drinks bill for the wedding where we found out people were really greedy with the free drinks. Mum and Dad said it happens that way so often but it is much worse now than when they were young.

I’m the last to be married and Mum said she and dad have breathed a huge sigh of relief.

The global financial crisis has caused a lot of concern.

We arrived home Thursday rather late and the two of us just hit the sack and slept like babies, no sex that night.

Yesterday Andrew went into work but dressed casually, officially he was not due back until Monday.

He’s gone into work again to-day and I feel like a work widow already, he’s always been so good at insisting he not work extra hours but he says it will make things much easier for everyone come Monday, a lot of things happened while we were away, and from that perspective our wedding was ill-timed, but whoever would have guessed it.

You know how I am, I have all my excess funds in the bank but Andrew has his in his house and farm and other than a good cash flow he doesn’t have much else. Nevertheless, everyone has been hurt by this world crisis, too much greed if you ask me, it’s bad enough here, but much worse overseas.

Andrew said we should worry about our Super Funds, but really what can any of us do?

Andrew has promised to be home for tea but I’m not sure that these fair little hands are up to anything much and we’ve had enough of eating out for the time being.

I think I’ll just order in a nice takeaway, I’ve yet to do any shopping, oh how boring day to day living is.

Andrew said he’d pick up a nice video on the way home, I hope it’s something with my tastes in mind not just a typical man’s one.

I think I’d better get cracking now, there’s quite a bit of unpacking to do. I don’t really want to take on the little domestic wife routine but with Andrew spending two extra days at the office which I didn’t have to do, it seems I should do the unpacking and washing. That seems only fair.

Until to-morrow or the next day then, I’ll put you on- hold, I’m really looking forward to joining in with my little blog community again. Andrew still doesn’t know but I am going to have to tell him soon.

Andrew is still asleep, poor love, he worked very hard for the last two days and we really did need to rest up after our honeymoon and travelling.

I thought I’d just get in a few words before he wakes up. I guess I’ll have to shower downstairs this morning, so as to not to disturb him.

Tinkerbelle is playing around with my mouse and keyboard and even my hair, so if I suddenly go whacky you’ll know why, she was just so pleased to see us both.

I ordered in a great Pizza last night and went out and bought some salad vegetables and fruit and some garlic bread which I heated up in the oven, I also got some special ice cream, which Andrew loves and waited on him hand and foot when he got home, the little wifely duties thing, but don’t worry, with work to-morrow, for both of us, this will not last.

To-day we’re off to Mother’s for lunch and then it’ll be into the photographs, I shall probably order far more than I need, but how often does one get married?

For us, only once, I hope.

I’ll fill you in quickly about work to-morrow night, if I can catch some time to myself. And hopefully you’ll have the finished post on Tuesday.

I’m not really looking forward to work, how could you after a month’s extended vacation.

I think of those beautiful white sandy beaches on Hayman, the aqua blue of the sea, tropical surroundings and lunch set up outside every day and the evenings and dancing and avoiding the other Honeymooners, and the two of us and beautiful music and dimly lit pathways, and gathering some amazing sea shells from the sandy shores and some intimate little places where we spent some of our evenings, in places where there was a sense of mystery and intrigue and just a few couples having a drink and eats and dancing to the tunes of the musical arrangements designed especially to match the venues and returning to our suite at night and making love and being free to enjoy each other, and Andrew’s combination of sweet love making and his excitement and it was all so new to me. I’m just so glad I waited until I was married, it made it all so very special and I hope Andrew loved me all the more for it, but how many men wait until their honeymoon, to have sex, not many I suspect, even the better ones describing their experience in terms of youthful follies or with girls who they were never going to marry, not nice really.

One rule for them another rule for us, but how many girls in seeking liberation experience just the opposite ending up with losers or with no permanent partner at all. It can all be rather sad and all those little children with no known father, let alone one who takes responsibility and nurtures them and I’m getting very emotional. I shouldn’t really take away my own pleasure by thinking of such things.

I guess I’d best get into that shower before Andrew stirs, that way at least one of us will be ready to go. He’s still sleeping like a baby although many people tell me their babies don’t sleep very well anyway. Such times lie ahead for me, soon, but not too soon but barely soon enough and I’m starting to get excited, strange as it may seem to have a man in my own bed, I had always thought I’d marry a man who would provide ME with a house, not the other way around.

It does feel rather strange that my house is now our house, I’m sure that will create a few problems.

See you all again to-morrow.

Well, we had a great day Sunday, Mum is such a good cook, it was a nice change to have some home cooking after our wonderful honeymoon.

Most of the day was spent selecting photographs and even Dad was interested, mostly in those of himself, I might add.

We made our choices and Mum spoilt us both and we got home early to fall into bed early and catch up on some well earned rest.

Andrew left ahead of me this morning and he's not home yet. We are very short of provisions but I don't feel a bit like shopping. I guess I'm still tired, but fortunately Mum sent us home with some leftovers and I can make a salad. I think I'll have my tea on my own as I've no idea when Andrew will be home.

It was not nice having to collect my thoughts and get to work on time. But the rest of the world goes on, it doesn't stop because I have just got married.

And isn't the world in a terrible mess, I don't think anyone fully realizes jus what is going to happen.

Fortunately I'm in a little offshoot on my own so I don't get too mixed up with the general running of the place.

I closed my door when I got in, managing to avoid the usual office nonsense when someone has just got married and returned from their honeymoon.

Just before morning tea there was a knock on my door.

I called out "come in" and who should it be but 'faceache'. Fortunately I don't answer to him anymore and he came in and waited for me to say 'have a seat' which I found a pleasant change. He wished me well on my marriage and asked how the Honeymoon was. I just answered him abruptly as I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted something.

He told me he was very worried about what would happen in the place in view of the global economy problems.

No doubt he thought my connection with Andrew would give me inside knowledge, but I simply replied, I didn't know, and reminded him I did not get involved with office politics, he ummed and ahhed and finally left. I notice he was looking quite pale, apparently everyone is worried about their jobs. But if he went I felt sure everyone would cheer.

The day passed easily enough and it did not take me long to come back into work mode.

As I left for lunch I received many good wishes and the same thing happened as I left this evening.

But now that is all behind me and I thought I'd just finish off this post before Andrew arrived home.

I love being married but I feel strange about a few things and I'll tell you about that in my next (still secretive) post.

Fancy me having a blog, silly really, but I rather like it.

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