Crystal wants to know what you think a responsible husband and father is?
July 7th 2008 10:08
It seems that in my last post I covered a bit much material without explanation.
I think we need to sort out a few things.
Number 1. is "What is a responsible husband and father"?
From my point of view and indulging in some tautology, I think women need to be able to rely on their men to provide a house and support the family, to have a responsible attitude when it comes to having and rearing children and to appreciate their wives' efforts and help out when things go wrong.
That means not expecting their wives to be working for long hours with a small baby to take care of to make up for his financial deficiencies.
I asked my mum what she thought as she and dad have been successful, provided us with a great home and atmosphere and were very good parents, at no stage was mum expected nor did she ever want to go out to work.
She did say that times were different when she and dad married and that their first home was quite small, rather run down but had a good yard and they were able to have animals.
Dad did not do much to help around the house except in times of crisis and both had families who would offer assistance at such times.
She said that through hard work and a certain amount of luck dad had managed to do well in business always having the weekends at home even though he often had to work long hours during the week
After a few years they were able to purchase their current home and over the years their assets have accumulated but dad was never selfish and did not spend family funds on his own amusements. Everything was a shared activity with children also being involved.
He still worked hard but not so hard as he had to initially. He has certainly been a great dad.
But now it seems girls have lost the plot and men have become greedy and selfish and there are few men who want to shoulder financial and family responsibilities, all want a stylish home right off.
I know of one couple whose husband was initially on rather limited wages who had 3 children quite quickly in rented premises, the wife did not work outside the home, and they have just bought their first home.
It needs a deal of hard work and there is quite some travelling involved for the husband to get to work but they have fared better, in my opinion than another couple who had their first child when she was about mid thirties.
By this time they had built a large house with a large mortgage and even allowing for the fact that they had had all those years to be established, she puts the new baby in child care for very long hours and says she has to work.
Many fall into the same traps, it is the children and the family who suffer.
They seem to waste money in so many ways.
Personally I want to bring up my own children and I guess Andrew and I are rather fortunate financially, but had I married younger I would still like to feel I could stay at home with my children, not be expected to go to work for 2/3 of the pay of the average male, and forego other benefits just because I am female and be expected to by a semi-useless husband.
I do feel sorry for those less fortunate than myself but it seems more and more we are expected to be a working family, with even more burdens placed on females, and family life barely gets any consideration at all.
I hope I have made it clear what my definition of a responsible husband and parent is, and I would like to know your views, I reallt want considered replies not just excuses to let men "off the hook"
Next time I'll deal with 'responsible wives and mothers'
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Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Comment by Louie
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Comment by tlcorbin
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That'd be the guy who sticks around and grows himself as his family grows to meet their needs over his own desires; that'd be a great starting point.
Comment by Krystal
feelings
Part time work for many women is viable but they still seem to lose out in the long run.
Women’s lot, as they say. But it need not be that way, with thinking people, trouble is we keep following each other, like sheep.
Louie, I’m afraid I’m terribly biased, I hate the idea of a stay at home Dad, and I do think dads are not meant to be mums, but I guess one has to be prepared to allow others to find their own solutions, but there can be a lot of suppressed angst in a lot of situations. Certainly it is hard rearing a family.
I don’t think the male responsibility has been addressed though, and I am about to have great difficulty dealing with responsible wives and mothers.
Raven, It’s great to have a male’s opinion, but one male does not half a species make, but what you say does sound rather risky and relying on a bit too much providence,
Thank you all for your comments, I do appreciate them.
Comment by tlcorbin
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Not every woman will marry an already established man with a stable life.