Crystal wonders about things moving quickly, have you ever experienced this?
March 3rd 2008 10:37
What a shock Andrew's place was. He has the original old kitchen, bathroom and a laundry out the back. His bedroom is clean and tidy but quite bare and he has had a go at painting it.
You can see that he has no aptitiude for such things and he is the first to admit it, but he thought when he bought the place that it had a lot of potential, which it does.
It's very spacious and has a huge backyard.
He laughed about his own amateurish attempts and quite frankly so did I.
Fortunately he has a table and chairs so we had something to sit at when he sent out for a Pizza. He has a bare minimum of crockery and cutlery but as he himself says he never has visitors so what does it matter.
I clambered around the place as he insisted on showing me everything and when I asked him how long it would be before he'd finished the renovations he laughed out loud and said "NEVER" That was quite obvious really.
He has this old, well let's say, antiquated washing machine for his undies and round the house clothes, pyjamas and towels etc and it did work, if only just. He had no dryer but there was a line strung up outside.
He sends his shirts off to the laundry and has his suits dry cleaned and I guess that's how he manages to look so immaculate at work.
I noticed an old wooden box and he said that was where he cleans his shoes.
Anyway lunch was tasty and we had a good laugh about it all and he says he'll have to decide just what to do with the place.
I'd say it's time to call the renovators in or bulldoze it and start again from scratch.
He ran me home and then drove all the way back to his place before driving over to collect me again for another of our big night outs.
He looked really spunky, so I guess he has good dress sense and I went to a lot of effort to look nice.
We went out fairly late as we had had such a filling lunch.
This time we went to a very exclusive place overlooking the water, it was a romantic dream with soft lighting and candles on the tables, just enough light to see what we were eating.
They served a wonderful array of seafood so we stuck to that.
There was a piano and a bass, and the music had that vital sexy throb and we became intertwined far too easliy. Andrew kept whispering in my ear but I could hardly hear him but I gather he was being very romantic.
While we dined he said how much he'd wanted me and for some years now but I had always been so aloof. Well, that's nothing new, I knew that and he noticed how suddenly I had changed and then he'd found out I was going out with Jim. He was bitterly disappointed.
He said when he found out I'd broken up with Jim, he was delighted and was going to make damn sure he didn't miss out again. That's why he made such a fast, direct approach.
To be quite honest that sort of man impresses me. He said he was ready for marriage and was going to do everything in his power to win me. Actually, he has already taken my breath away but I remained non-commital, it doesn't do to rush into things.
Sunday he made off for his farm and we laughed once more at his amateurish attempts at farming. Next weekend I'm going up there again with him. I do like the open air and the animals, but it was all such a shock really.
I spent the day mooching around the house because I missed him and I was having a bit of a problem at coming to grips with how fast things were moving.
I called in to see mum and dad late Sunday evening and had a light meal with them. They were very curious to know what was going on and what had happened to Jim but I found myself tongue-tied.
Have you ever had someone be so direct so quickly with you or have you yourself been very fast and direct? I'd love to know.
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But, watch out for the rebounds, they can bite you in the butt. What happened to Jim? I've been gone for a month and apparently missed developing issues.
Raven
Comment by The wonderful Peter Yang
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What I meant about lay back and relax is not saying that you should just drift along. What it meant is that, you should just be honust with yourself within a relationship. What will happen will happen, don't worry too much about it.
What I meant is that, there is no such thing call an ideal happiness or idea relationship, it varies with people. Don't try to find it, just let it comes to you. Society might create an idea of what a perfect relationship for a woman is or what perfect hapiness is, but trust me it doesn't exist. (They are pretty much the legacy of conservative western culture and western fairy tales, those ideals are created to fullfill male sexual fanacies, they are really remove from reality.)
As for things between you and Andrew, don't worry so much about whether things are moving too fast. It might be great or it might be crap, it really depends. Just remeber, be true to yourself and you will find real happiness
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Comment by Danceswithwords
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What a wonderful post! I enjoyed the way you set the scene and from the way you write Andrew sounds very special. To miss someone after the first date is classic! He is obviously completely smitten with you and especially talking so soon about marriage. Wow. That must have been one very romantic restaurant indeed.
So at this early stage if I had any advice it would be enjoy the acceleration and the sheer thrill of the ride. I have personally found that going at speed into relationship, and here's the important bit - with your eyes wide open and it feels right then GO FOR IT!!!.
Waiting for someones advice to say go slower or slowly in a relationship can really take the fun out of it. You laugh together so that's a hugely important bond. In terms of getting married on the next date (I jest but ok) then that's approaching light speeds and my experience with people who have done this find themselves together in a living situation trying to have the thrill and the 'missing one another' stage or comically trying to reminisce their wonderful romance of two or three dates.
You sounds a real romantic to me - just how you write and what you picked up on. Choosing your words carefully with Andrew is paramount. He said that you were aloof, and explained his disappointment when you were dating Jim. I feel he's partly attracted to you because of this and he also needs to win at this. So the 'go slow' part is all up to you and that being aloof may have gone now, as is Jim, and you're vulnerable - because there's not that "thing" that drove him crazy to lure Andrew with, in terms of that wonderful tension or him playing out his fear of losing you - again. He's swallowed you hook line and sinker.
There's a sport to this, and who wants to catch fish that don't put up some sort of resistance or show that hell speed and run from the boat when you're holding out your landing net. Oh yeah you're hooked girl, but you have to SHOW him that you're not caught and be as sexy as you can with it!
How you behave now sets up everything. Waiting a week between dates (or even two) will build the tension as well as give you the time to explore what he's ok with and what he's not. Throw in a girls night out, a sick grandmother, and an out of state business trip. Things that you HAVE to do without him smothering you. See how he reacts. What does he do when he's not planning to be with you? Who are is friends? What are his interests? Then when you do get together be as close or intimate as you want to and at ever speed you want to - knowing the whole time you can drive him wild.
Andrew doesn't sound controlling, but he could be. He could really cramp the thing that makes you YOU. Show him that you are strong, confident, aloof, and sexy rather than just jumping in his boat. Otherwise if you are too easy to catch you may find him trolling another lure in a few months time to get another HIT of THAT THING THAT you do.
Gee I wanted to write about my experiences of speed in a relationship, love at first sight, and yet all of a sudden I felt compelled to play Abbey in here.
Hope it all works out for you both, and make sure you send my regards to Jim! LOL.
Dances
Comment by Krystal
feelings
I gave Jim the flick, no regrets, no rebounds, you make all of this sound very possible and very exciting and it’s time.
Peter, I don’t know about laying back but I’ll certainly relax, and thanks for your lovely long thoughtful comment.
Techno, I think you’re right
Dances, how inspiring, you seem to know a lot about life, thanks for your wonderful perception and your lovely long comment, it is appreciated. I don’t see Jim any more and don’t want to but if you’re available I’ll pass the word on.
Thanks everyone for your responses.