Crystal loves being married, BUT.....
November 25th 2008 10:00
We had such a wonderful wedding, every girl's dream come true. The honeymoon was an idyllic dream and love making a new experience shared.
But, as you know, we returned to the financial crisis. Now, for me, that is not a great concern, although I certainly feel for those being affected by it. But, for Andrew, it was a nightmare, we were away at a very bad time and although our company is financially strong, they really do have to make arrangements for future events and Andrew has had to come up to speed very quickly on all those matters for which he was not present and the problems continue to grow. His job is secure, but there will have to be changes.
I am so sorry I am so late with this post, I hoped to get it done Sunday evening but things didn't work out too well that way.
At least Andrew was home for the weekend but he had worked so hard on his return and put in some long hours that, for the most part, all he wanted to do was sleep.
Mother fed us Sunday, again, but really I should not be relying on her so much.
But playing the good little housewife is not for me. I'm just not any good at it but I realize I really do need to improve, but that, for me, is not easy.
I am in a complete muddle. I went off to do the shopping but I was totally ill equipped for it as I had not any sense of planning a week's menus, at all.
But at least the frig is stocked and the pantry full and surely I should be able to muster up something.
For me to cook cakes takes almost a week's planning and to be quite truthful, for me, almost a week's cleaning up.
I'm trying to be GOOD as I've been following some food and health blogs and realize that shop prepared food leaves a lot to be desired.
Andrew just wants to eat when he's hungry and even a take away will do him, but I feel just so guilty as I should be able to take care of the home front while he is devoting so much necessary time to work at the moment.
It has all come as such a HUGE shock and I know others have so much more to complain about than I do, but nevertheless these are the things that worry me.
And really I do have a very undemanding husband, domestically, he is very easily pleased.
I feel incompetent for marriage and all the tedium it brings with it.
I yearn for our pre-marriage carefree existence, but after all, there are only two of us, surely I should be able to cope.
Somehow, I muddled through last week and the weekend was very laid back but I didn't really feel like cleaning up after two too much.
I'm naturally clean and tidy when there is just me, but all of that has changed, and I have a husband who seems to be asleep all the time.
Well, I've had a bit of time to think. My job, for me, is not stressful, I am engaged to watch out over technical aspects of the company's work which is very varied but I do this very easily and very well, but I am just not interested in domesticity and it is no use pretending that I am going to be, despite the none too subtle looks Mother and Father exchange. They don't think I notice but I do.
So what I have decided to do is have the cleaners in, once a week on a Friday, send the ironing out, try to develop some meal planning skills, and insist Andrew helps with the shopping except for the presumably rare occasions when he has had to work so hard himself.
Washing is not really difficult and the dryer will be used as much as possible to save the time and effort in hanging it out.
There'll be no more ballet, but I am going to walk at least three times a week and plan to have a swim regularly at the local swimming centre which is quite handy so that it will be both easy to get to and time saving.
Tinkerbelle has been a great comfort, after all a sleeping husband doesn't really do much for me, except when I'm in bed and sleeping too.
It has become just so routine now, going to bed with another person, rather than sleeping on my own.
I knew that double bed I bought when I moved into my own home, on my own, would come in handy someday and it's great to have that extra space when sleeping on ones' own but it's delightful now to have a man to cuddle up to, even though he's dead to the world more often than he's awake now.
Well, I hope I've struck a nerve with some females who share the guilt feeling I have and once again I have to admit it is much easier to solve problems when one has money rather than, as many experience, being short of it.
I'm going to turn in myself now, Andrew just fell into bed as soon as he'd finished his dinner, simple meal though it was, there was plenty of it and Andrew tucked in with great gusto.
So now I'm going to join him, but, if the last week or so is any guide he'll barely move as I get in, let alone wake up.
I must admit I enjoy this little surreptitious activity, I would have told Andrew by now, but he's been much too tired to take much notice of anything I have to say.
So, for now, it's just our little secret, quite exciting really. Perhaps that is why so many do it.
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