Crystal's awakening - the dawning of a new day.
October 6th 2007 07:19
necklace for the awakening
I am just so excited. I did it. Yes, I'm so proud of myself, I actually did it.
So let's start at the beginning.
Fortunately I was awake early yesterday so I had time to think about what I should wear. At first I was just going to wear a pretty blouse under one of my formal business jackets. I had just the one. So I took it out of the cupboard and looked at it, thinking well yes, it is nice, but...
I came to the conclusion that I wanted myself to look very feminine and a little helpless. After all, my appearance at work seemed intimidating, I do hold quite a high profile postion there.
So I took out a floatingly soft and rather silky,loosely fitting dress with a fitted waistline. I am slim but not overly curvy. This dress was one of my best. It showed just enough cleavage to be considered permissible in a professional setting but still remaining interesting. I knew I was going to be receiving some eye contact around the office which I would distinctly prefer not to have but I had to start taking a few chances in life. I then settled for a really pretty sparkling necklace with matching drop earrings which I rarely wore. The dress was lilac in blended tonings with softly patterned swirls in its delicate folds. It felt wonderful to put on. Now, what to do with my hair. Already I wanted it to hang loose in its natural soft curls but I usually wore it up in a tight chignon. This really was a radical change so early in the day. I didn't care. Now, shoes, I thought, and selected some lustrous beige high heels with thin straps and a little leather strap at the back, they looked lovely with the lilac dress but ruefully I had to admit that my feet would be killing me by the end of the day, so I selected a more serviceable pair in a soft tan. I'd wear these, take the others, and change into them before I went. I had a bag that matched my shoes whitch was very unusual and very expensive. I tied my hair loosely back and before we left for drinks I'd comb it out, allowing it to fall down gracefully around my shoulders. Every time I moved the earrings would sway and sparkle. Already, in my own mind, I was there having those drinkies.
I felt so positive that even if I couldn't wrangle an invite for this evening I decided I would take myself off somewhere and just sit. It was time.
So now I was on my way.
I arrived punctually at the office and made my way to the executive floor, I being the youngest there. I was not so brusque as usual with my early morning greetings and stopped to share a smile with many I would normally pass.
I carried with me my change of shoes and knew my dress would float away from my body as I walked. I felt like a million dollars.
The air conditioning was set so I really could have taken my jacket off but hesitated to do so not wanting to draw too much attention to myself.
Morning tea came round at 10.30 and it was then that one or two people would happen along to briefly pass the time of day. The first was my boss, he blatantly stared. Then the eyes dropped to my cleavage, I felt naked.
He blurted out what he'd come for then suddenly left. I breathed an unrestrained sigh of relief.
Next it was Bertie, now Bertie was great fun, but diminutive and somewhat ugly. He too looked but was not so disturbed as my boss.
Bertie, I said, and he looked at me as if I was suddently going to ask him out. He should be so lucky, Bertie, I started again, I thought perhaps I might join in for drinks this evening and his eyebrows drew back and up. "I never go",he said, promptly, "hang on a minute, I'll ask Steve." Hey, Steve, Crystal wants to go with you to-night, what's the deal?" I flushed scarlet. Steve came to the door. "No worries", he said, " We leave at five" "Be ready then and I'll take you" I was tongue tied. He too went for the cleavage, I felt like buttoning my jacket up. They both turned on their heels and left. My tea had got cold. I had a glass of water.
I'm afraid it was not my most productive day and my dutch courage was starting to melt. Perhaps it was the overly warm temperature with my jacket on.
Well, I did it. I went. There's more to tell, but I had taken my first step. How did I feel? Weak and excessively tired so I'll have to end here now. See you all again Monday.
While you may fear, love or hate, continue to break down those barriers.
Crystal's new day
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Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
It can be really daunting taking that first step, especially when it with people you work with who you have to see everyday,
It seems like it all went well though. Good on you for making that first step. SOmeone once told me if you wait for people to come to you, you will be alone forever, you have to go to them.
Ash
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
katyzzz
Comment by Krystal
feelings
It was certainly true of me being all alone all this time.
I see we come from different perspectives, as I really do want to marry and have children as soon as possible, I think I've waited long enough but I do appreciate your sharing with me.
Crystal
Comment by Krystal
feelings
Crystal