''desease.. ''ok again''..
February 3rd 2007 12:56
Sitting in my room staring into space, feeling as though I’m living in a dream.
Hating shit for no reason, not even knowing what I hate, Anger is taking control.
Can I take away this pain? Doesn’t really matter either way I guess this shit will just return another day, tomorrow, or within the hour.
I’m falling into old routines, getting frustrated with myself over the most minor things.
Just when I’m at the point I’m about to break I get back on my pills, then get hollowed back into a dream state, numbness for a week or so until they kick in properly. That’s when shit is supposed to be ok again, but its not. Not to the extent of 'ok' I want it to be. Its halfway plus more, so that’s when I resort to Mia to vanish the fears away!
I feel like I’m slowly crumbling, crawling, about to break into a million pieces never able to be repaired.
Never!
I don't remember what it was like to get up, for just one day, and be carefree! Have nothing to worry about, no negative thoughts, no crazy ideas, no looking in the mirror and cringing!
I don’t think for once in my life I have ever woken up and been that way!
Its like there’s a constant shadow hanging around me everywhere I go, like when its a warm day but when you step into the shadow there’s that tiny chill you get where even though its warm its not quite warm enough to defend you from the chill you get.
Not many people, if anyone, understand what goes on in my mind, my ideas. I try to go to sleep at night, but I cant. I cant lay there, with a million things going through my mind. I have to sleep with some form of light in my room, and I have to be writing reading drawing, ANYTHING to make me fall asleep! There is no way I can just lay down relax and go to sleep. Everything I do in life I need a distraction to prevent me from tipping over the edge.
I feel like I spend more time than anyone trying to figure out my 'disease' I feel blinded and then Mia comes along and guides me to my knees, and shows me its ok!
It’s ok to give in just one more time!
Hating shit for no reason, not even knowing what I hate, Anger is taking control.
Can I take away this pain? Doesn’t really matter either way I guess this shit will just return another day, tomorrow, or within the hour.
I’m falling into old routines, getting frustrated with myself over the most minor things.
Just when I’m at the point I’m about to break I get back on my pills, then get hollowed back into a dream state, numbness for a week or so until they kick in properly. That’s when shit is supposed to be ok again, but its not. Not to the extent of 'ok' I want it to be. Its halfway plus more, so that’s when I resort to Mia to vanish the fears away!
Never!
I don't remember what it was like to get up, for just one day, and be carefree! Have nothing to worry about, no negative thoughts, no crazy ideas, no looking in the mirror and cringing!
I don’t think for once in my life I have ever woken up and been that way!
Its like there’s a constant shadow hanging around me everywhere I go, like when its a warm day but when you step into the shadow there’s that tiny chill you get where even though its warm its not quite warm enough to defend you from the chill you get.
Not many people, if anyone, understand what goes on in my mind, my ideas. I try to go to sleep at night, but I cant. I cant lay there, with a million things going through my mind. I have to sleep with some form of light in my room, and I have to be writing reading drawing, ANYTHING to make me fall asleep! There is no way I can just lay down relax and go to sleep. Everything I do in life I need a distraction to prevent me from tipping over the edge.
It’s ok to give in just one more time!
| 49 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
