Do you think your family is dysfunctional?
May 20th 2008 08:46
I just love those crystals, somehow they seem very symbolic to me, symbolic of what I am unable to say but they are also very pretty.
The weeks are just galloping by and even though it is not necessary that I work long hours and besides I would simply just not do it, there never seems to be enough time in the day and I really look forward to my weekends.
I was talking to my mum on the weekend asking her about her marriage to dad, we are a very close, well close is perhaps not quite the word, let's say connected, but mum keeps us that way, well, anyway, I was asking Mum just what she thinks of marriage and to my surprise she was rather hesitant to respond.
She said what a good dad we all had and how lucky we were to have such a nice home, and then, when I asked her what marriage meant to her she started to look a bit puzzled.
Her response was not what I expected and she said how wonderful it was to have a family and security and she felt she was lucky that she was such a good housekeeper, saying that she had her doubts about me.
This really surprised me as it was always dad who countered everything with "well, you always were different, Crystal, too bright really and none of us ever expected you to be good in the house".
Well I may not be wonderful but I do manage.
I asked mum if she thought she'd missed out on anything, and she replied "further education, the chance to build a career and that now she felt it was too late and they did not really need the money anyway"
This led to more talk about families and I asked her what she thought a dysfunctional family was.
She replied that she thought all families were dysfunctional to some extent and some were very dysfunctional which led to a lot of unhappiness.
I must say I was quite shocked but somehow the topic changed and we resumed our usual talk about our own family and the grandchildren with Mother being her usual discreet self.
Ever since I just can't help thinking of the people I know and of their families and I must say all families seemed to have their fair share of problems but most I would not have thought of as dysfunctional.
I know many of my readers come from dysfunctional families and I am hoping I may be doing just a little to encourage them to make a good life for themselves despite their very obvious bad start in life.
So how do you feel about families and do you think yours is in any way dysfunctional?
Your comments would be greatly appreciated, despite the fact that none of you seemed to have any ideas as to a good Honeymoon destination.
Let's hope at least some of you will be brave, otherwise it just remains between me and my readers who I have quite a number of, despite my infrequent posting.
Well????????
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Comment by Nathan 1
It's hard to say what's dysfunctional in the times we live in now. I think that because our parents had less opportunities than we do, they are more reserved about how they see a secure family life. It's definately difficult to confront our parents about these things without seeming ungrateful or disrespectful so we tend to just bottle it up and reiterate to ourselves that our folks did the best they could. Leaving emotions aside, I think that parents see their responsibility as just providing for the family (well the father does anyway) and that we aren't affected by their relationship with each other. This is b*****it as, without trying to sound to, well, whatever, all the comfort in the world can't replace a child seeing its parents love and treat one another with genuine love and respect. In any case, I think the way marriage is used as a tool is disgusting, not because people can't have a long lasting relationship, but just in the way that people who aren't really cut out for it feel pressured or I don't know what to do so by society and that just creates a recipe for disaster, especially if they have kids.
Comment by tlcorbin
Raven
Comment by AmyHuang
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Marriage is a funny thing. I don't reckon my parents should have ever got married and now poor mum is stuck with a dad that was never ready and too immature (and still is) to have a family however, that's just what I think.
Comment by Louie
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families are like people they all have their quirks and none of them are perfect. Its love and respect that holds it all together.
Comment by Krystal
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I think the trouble is we take our worries from the outside world home with us and let off all our steam and angst there.
There really ought to be a better way, I have an aunt who says we do work well
but we don’t know how to do family and I think there is some wisdom in her words.
But, thanks once again, for your wonderful answer, let’s hope it helps people by giving them something to think about.
Raven, sadly, I think that what you say is so very true, it’s a hard thing to overcome.
Amy, I think there is a lot of wisdom it what you say, the trouble is people change as their lives go on and those changes can be challenging, but it seems like your dad hasn’t changed a bit, which is a pity for your mum, and, if I may say so, they have such a lovely daughter.
Louie, very true and wise words there, but unfortunately many are not so well blessed as you and this really is very sad and the word dysfunctional must be used.
The rest of the time it is just individual quirks as you say.
Thanks, everyone, for such wonderful answers.