empty!
March 6th 2007 06:28
I cleaned out every trace of photos, letters, cards, gifts and clothing from people who I no longer want to associate with! And who no longer seem to want to associate with myself.
Feels fucking good!
I am still however shattered about my 'best mate' now just being an 'aquaintance/friendly person I know'!
It is irritating to think the one person I thought I could never WOULD never let go off in my life has detatched away from me! Not on purpose, nature just took its course! I hate it!
Fuck I wish I could put it into words, it isn't usually hard for me to do so, I guess it's just so hard because it's not something I expected nor wanted to happen! I feel things are out of control once more, which makes me resort to Mia again and again.
How the fuck does a friendship with the strongest bond, the largest amount of love and tha most adorable memories just fucking fade invisibly before my eyes to resemble nothing but empty space? Its as bad to me as losing my sister, because that is what she was to me a sister, now pretty much nothing but a face that walks by in a crowd of other blank faces.
It is like being in a relationship for 7 years, only for it to dwindle to jack shit out of nowhere! You wake up one day and its not there anymore, you get up but fall down cos you have no 'balance' you have no 'guardian' you have nothing to keep you up so you just stay down!
I can't stop thinking nothing seems to go right it's eating at me!
Speaking of eating, ew!
It would be nice not to resemble what I currently am and resemble something more gorgeouse and approachable, something you would admire if you walked by in tha streets! I saw a lady today who hasnt seen me since I had lost some weight and she said I am looking better? So obviously saying I have put on weight! Nice work lady!
To end this I would like to have a bitch about how much i despise the ladies and gentlemen out there who seem to think its glamourouss to have an Eating Disorder and think its somewhat stylish to starve themselves and purge after one or two meals! It is a fucking illness not an asset to your personality. Mia is not a lifestyle it takes OVER your life! If I could click my fingers and stop I would have by now, but obviously it isnt that easy. I have already done damage and my body has already shown signs of that damage internally and visibly! So those who may read this who happen to be starting to have an ED just because the other girls are and it looks cool.. wake the fuck up!
Feels fucking good!
I am still however shattered about my 'best mate' now just being an 'aquaintance/friendly person I know'!
It is irritating to think the one person I thought I could never WOULD never let go off in my life has detatched away from me! Not on purpose, nature just took its course! I hate it!
Fuck I wish I could put it into words, it isn't usually hard for me to do so, I guess it's just so hard because it's not something I expected nor wanted to happen! I feel things are out of control once more, which makes me resort to Mia again and again.
It is like being in a relationship for 7 years, only for it to dwindle to jack shit out of nowhere! You wake up one day and its not there anymore, you get up but fall down cos you have no 'balance' you have no 'guardian' you have nothing to keep you up so you just stay down!
I can't stop thinking nothing seems to go right it's eating at me!
Speaking of eating, ew!
It would be nice not to resemble what I currently am and resemble something more gorgeouse and approachable, something you would admire if you walked by in tha streets! I saw a lady today who hasnt seen me since I had lost some weight and she said I am looking better? So obviously saying I have put on weight! Nice work lady!
To end this I would like to have a bitch about how much i despise the ladies and gentlemen out there who seem to think its glamourouss to have an Eating Disorder and think its somewhat stylish to starve themselves and purge after one or two meals! It is a fucking illness not an asset to your personality. Mia is not a lifestyle it takes OVER your life! If I could click my fingers and stop I would have by now, but obviously it isnt that easy. I have already done damage and my body has already shown signs of that damage internally and visibly! So those who may read this who happen to be starting to have an ED just because the other girls are and it looks cool.. wake the fuck up!
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