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Do you think marriage and a family should just happen or should you plan it?

January 22nd 2008 09:19
ballet



I've settled into ballet class beautifully, not that I am planning to go anywhere with it. I just like to do it out of love and for the benefits of the exercise and from that point of view it is very good for you. My figure is becoming firm and trim once more and although Jim says he like me cuddly the fact is I feel much better without those extra kilos.


Jim has no excess weight on him and he is always on the go. He will often walk for hours looking out for good photographs.

I guess I'm a bit lazy that way and I do like to relax at home more than ever he could.

Apparently he moves around quite a bit at work with his various duties so that's much better than being sedentary.

Tinkerbelle is sitting on the end of my desk but thus far she is behaving herself, I only hope she stays that way.

There's something very special about having a pet isn't there?

As I've said before, I'd love a little dog next but I don't want to rush into things.

Anyway after Jim and I had our weekend of talking he's loosened up quite a lot and has started to hint around about getting married but that's a pretty big step at such an early stage.

We do love each other but I'm a bit wary of getting head over heals about anyone until a few things are sorted out.

We're getting closer to the idea of it but I still have my reservations, but less so after our weekend 'talkfest'. Actually just sitting here writing about it I'm starting to feel a little elated because it is so important for me to get married before much longer and have children, I feel as if I'm behind the eight ball already.


So how do you feel about having a family, were you anxious to start one or did you just drift into a relationship and not give the idea of having children too much thought.

I know someone like that who ended up with 6 kids, she was as surprised about it all as much as we were, which is rather funny, don't you think?

So should marriage and a family just happen or should you plan for it and how important are financial considerations.


Crystal
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26 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by AmyHuang

January 22nd 2008 09:56


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Wow, that's really quick for him to be hinting about marriage. But it's always a good sign when they plan futures with you in it.

I must say, if a couple feels they are ready for marriage, then go ahead.

I've had plans before. I never thought I'd get married, I never planned to be Mrs somebody.

Look at me, I got engaged over Christmas. And I still can't see myself as Mrs somebody, but I am so happy.

There is always going to be a point in your relationship where it'll be just perfect to be married, and it should just happen if its the right time. If you keep to your plans too much, sometimes you might just miss that perfect opportunity.

Comment by Michaelie

January 22nd 2008 10:37


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Well said Amy - and congrats!

Crystal - I'd let the pas de chat take you where it will - a bit too soon for pirouette-ing.

Michaelie

Comment by tlcorbin

January 22nd 2008 18:12
Sure, having a general contingency plan is helpful, but I don't believe etching it in stone is productive Krystal.

Comment by Dianna G

January 22nd 2008 22:00


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I don't think that kind of thing should really be completely planned out-maybe a general sort of idea, but not etched-in-stone-every-little- detail.

Comment by katyzzz

January 22nd 2008 23:21


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Definitely it should be planned, but there are many variables and life cannot be planned entirely, money is important, but enough should be the emphasis, rather than more, otherwise you are likely to miss out on a lot of things.

But both you and Jim seem to have it made financially.

Many survive and have lovely families, just living on subsistence levels, but as my mother used to say to me, Love flies out of the window as poverty enters the door.

Comment by Louie

January 23rd 2008 00:05


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You should Marry for love..def not to satisfy the clicking tock....that is a sure way to end up unhappy and with unhappy kids.....

Comment by AmyHuang

January 23rd 2008 01:03


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Louise - you should have been around when my parents got married - to tell them that! LOL

Comment by Lilla

January 23rd 2008 01:25


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HI Krystal,

I have to agree with Louie, however, as you get older the ticking clock can alter the perception of love a little too.

I think you can;t plan a family, its always unexpected and will cost you more than you budget for, whichever plan you take. *lol* cost you ... lots more, okay? Especially if you have bright talented kids whom you want to reach their full potential in life.

Love on the other hand, passes through many gateways as time wears on. In fact it ends up looking nothing like it did in the beginning, and as Jane Austin so sensibly said; '...marraige will always have its vexations; it's highs and lows; dislikes and likes.'

I think the saying that marraige is much like a lottery, is perhaps most apt, after all... you can never really tell and no one is good or bad for the way things turn out.

But, if you go on Louie's premise, then I think you and Jim will have a great chance of very real success... take your time with a long engagement, there is no hurry. I know I had my kids late in life and have no regrets...you'll have more to offer them.

If you are unsure, my best advice to knowing if it is real of not, is to spend some time apart and see how you both feel.

Much warmth

Lilla ...xx

Comment by Damo

January 23rd 2008 03:21
What plan?

One day some girl makes eyes at me and the next thing I know is i have 5 kids.



Comment by jazzman

January 23rd 2008 11:29


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Love in not a thing that is accumulated over time like stamps etc. when you find mr/ms right - then it will be obvious as much as a few will dissagree, they are the types who are normally after the temperary fling.
Last week my wife Dot and I celebrated our 54th anniversary we were married 15th January 1954 and we have survived me in the army, with AFP, and driving coaches and raising five children in that time and we still have a good argument on occasions, but would I have it any other way, NO I could not have done any better, so let go and enjoy life it may last like ours!
jazzman

Comment by D. Armenta

January 23rd 2008 22:28


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Marriage is always a partnership, and babies cannot be reasoned with until they're much older.

That pretty much sums it up.

Comment by KylieW

January 24th 2008 05:24


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I agree with Raven. It's good to have a contingency plan.....but you want to stay flexible.

A friend of mine was just telling me about a friend of his on the weekend. This girl had been married for 10 yrs, and she and her husband has always agreed that they didn't want kids. She has now changed her mind and really wants kids - and as a result their marriage broke up. So I think flexibility is important.

I always said I didn't want kids. But these days, I'm not so sure. I'm certainly not desperate for them, but now I think it probably wouldn't be the end of my life if I was to have one down the track some time

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:17


feelings
Amy, I hear what you're saying and congratulations, I understand, but naturally I want a marriage to someone I love and who has similar ideals as my own, as I think without those it could turn into a disastrous union.

The convenience factor is always there and always has been, boy meets girl, sort of thing, but too many are ready to just shack up together and there is usually one far more interested in a permanent future than the other. This is what I am trying to avoid.

Things seem to have worked out well for you, but others have been left just floundering, and no matter how much 'in love' we are, reality requires that we do have some practical notions as well.

Thankyou for you lovely reply.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:21


feelings
Michaelie, you are a natural comic, I love that.

When you talk about a pas du chat, did you actually mean a pas de talk, I'm not exactly dancing for joy, which is fairy tale stuff but I am excited and it's Jim who's pushing forward not me.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:23


feelings
Sound advice Raven, but I've never been into etching, let alone in stone.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:25


feelings
I don't think you have too much to worry about just yet Dianna, just enjoy your youth.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:26


feelings
Wise words katyzzz, I think we are on the same wave length with quite a few things.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:29


feelings
Louie, it was not so long ago that women had to worry about being pregnant, not getting pregnant, whoever would have thought that situation would be reversed.

If you love kids as I do, I'm sure their happiness would always come first.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:32


feelings
Lilla, that's a lovely long and wise comment you have given me. Honest, too. I think the whole of life is a gamble, but we try to beat at least some of the less favourable odds.

That's a good suggestion of yours, but I couldn't bear to be away from Jim, too many years spent being on my own, I guess.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:35


feelings
Damo, you made me laugh and congratulations, I had no idea you had so many children. Hard, nowadays, but wonderful. She certainly knew how to look, didn't she.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:37


feelings
Jazzman, what a wonderful love story, much better than Cinderella. And what a lovely big family, you seem to have survived through thick and thin. Well done.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:39


feelings
True, D, but sometimes the adults are worse than the children, as the saying goes 'it ain't easy'.

Comment by Krystal

January 24th 2008 09:42


feelings
Kylie, what a wonderful comment you have made. I think with that couple there were obviously 'irreconcilable differences', that's why nothing can ever be etched in stone.

I hope you do have a baby one day (soon?) I'm sure you'd love it heaps.

Thank you all for your lovely comments.

Comment by Anonymous

January 25th 2008 12:41
If you are scared of not having enough comfort and security i suppose you should plan your life away.

If you are emotionnally secure and independant maybe you can just live the moment with your boyfriend without dreaming of the "middle-class" illusion life and do like everybody else does: reproduce, settle in and conform.

If what you have together is enjoyable why are you asking yourself if you want to do it or not?
Just live it, think about what You want your life to be...not what society expect of you.
It sounds like you're paying far too much attention to what everybody elses thinks or want, are you trying to please everyone or are you trying to find out what your true life path is?

lots of love
Sandra

Comment by Lourensh

February 7th 2008 05:55
I spend lot of time alone too. So one day I got tired of it and decided since men are all Ash$^#* I will have myself a Baby. It is all in the mind. Woke up one day and I was pregnant. Next thing I new I was married. It is all in the mind. What really want is what you get.

Comment by The wonderful Peter Yang

March 19th 2008 06:11


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Wow, he is talking about getting marry already.

Well, personally I'll be freak out, but that is just me.

I recogn you should just let what should happen, happen. As long as that is what you want with this guy, at this stage of the relationship

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