Giving in again..
January 27th 2007 14:25
How do you stop something that feels so right?
I cannot cope without Mia.
I don't know how I got myself in so deep, I don't know what has pushed me this far I don't know how to get out of it.
I wish I knew what’s brought these strong urges on. Its painful!
Right now this very minute I'm feeling so alone, yet crowded, I can't breath.
I want Mia back!
I want relief!
I want to run down the hall to my safe house where Mia is waiting!
I don’t want this IT shit to resurface its ugly head!
I don't like what it was like to suffer anxiety and panic attacks all day every day!
I don't like that I was too scared to go to the Milkybar, or ride the train 4 stops from my house!
I don't like that I used to go to bed hyperventilating that I would die in my sleep!
I don't like that I used to sit and watch a movie only to be bombarded with negative thoughts and a pulse going off the Richter!
I don't like that I had no control over my body!
I’m not going down that road again I have been anxiety free for too long, I’m not going to suffer that torment again!
I want to live a normal life without this IT shit lurking behind every corner, whispering in my ear that something awful will happen if I don’t tap something 4 times, that someone in my family will have a car crash if I don't rinse out my cup twice before I drink out of it!
I want everyday stresses other people get about bad hair days, no petrol money, a shitty job!
I don't want, need or DESERVE this IT shit! Ive suffered it since I was 4 it stops now!
I’m sticking with Mia, its not the easy way out its the only way out!
Its not an illness its a lifestyle! Its me!
I cannot cope without Mia.
I don't know how I got myself in so deep, I don't know what has pushed me this far I don't know how to get out of it.
I wish I knew what’s brought these strong urges on. Its painful!
Right now this very minute I'm feeling so alone, yet crowded, I can't breath.
I want Mia back!
I want relief!
I want to run down the hall to my safe house where Mia is waiting!
I don’t want this IT shit to resurface its ugly head!
I don't like what it was like to suffer anxiety and panic attacks all day every day!
I don't like that I used to go to bed hyperventilating that I would die in my sleep!
I don't like that I used to sit and watch a movie only to be bombarded with negative thoughts and a pulse going off the Richter!
I don't like that I had no control over my body!
I’m not going down that road again I have been anxiety free for too long, I’m not going to suffer that torment again!
I want to live a normal life without this IT shit lurking behind every corner, whispering in my ear that something awful will happen if I don’t tap something 4 times, that someone in my family will have a car crash if I don't rinse out my cup twice before I drink out of it!
I want everyday stresses other people get about bad hair days, no petrol money, a shitty job!
I don't want, need or DESERVE this IT shit! Ive suffered it since I was 4 it stops now!
I’m sticking with Mia, its not the easy way out its the only way out!
Its not an illness its a lifestyle! Its me!
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Comment by David
I've been told I'm insane all my life. When I fought against my own insanity and tried to adapt or change to a 'normal' lifestyle? It made me miserable.
When I embraced my own insanity, and shouted if from the rooftops? People now tell me things like, 'You're not insane.' ...
Embrace who you are ... There's nothing wrong with who you are ...
One day? If you feel like changing. Change. If you don't? Don't.
Just keep being yourself ...
My mum loves one of those easy listening FM stations ... Each day? I hear songs I haven't heard for years ...
Yesterday I heard Billy Joel's 'Don't Go Changing ... I love you just the way you are ... ' ... I'd forgotten why I used to listen to Billy Joel ... In my mind I thought I no longer liked his music ... but the lyrics to that song? They're perfect ...
Don't go changing ... (unless YOU feel like it ... And don't let anyone tell you any different ...
David ...