I want!
February 11th 2007 12:41
push shove push shove!
That is all I am doing at the moment, with Mia!
I am using her. It seems!
She eases my pain, she settles me down, but at times she is too much for me to bare and I am forced to coil upon the floor and want to scream at her. Because it is then, when I am in my most vulnerable state. It is then she cannot help me! It is then I am all alone, and afraid of what the next hour may bring!
It is then that I am gasping for air and shaking uncontrollably on my own! Scratching the tiles, pinching my arms to stay concious of the state I have put myself in!
It is then I realise how fucked what I am doing is, and wishing I could take it all back, but then 15 minutes later I am puttin myself through the torture once more. Filling my mind with the same negative thoughts and retreating back to Mia!
I want to lay in my room under a blanket covered head to toe not having to move nor see or feel my body! Turn up the music to a suffocating volume so I am deaf to my own thoughts.
I want to fly away!
I WANT TO BE FUCKING HAPPY WITH MYSELF!
That is all I am doing at the moment, with Mia!
I am using her. It seems!
She eases my pain, she settles me down, but at times she is too much for me to bare and I am forced to coil upon the floor and want to scream at her. Because it is then, when I am in my most vulnerable state. It is then she cannot help me! It is then I am all alone, and afraid of what the next hour may bring!
It is then that I am gasping for air and shaking uncontrollably on my own! Scratching the tiles, pinching my arms to stay concious of the state I have put myself in!
It is then I realise how fucked what I am doing is, and wishing I could take it all back, but then 15 minutes later I am puttin myself through the torture once more. Filling my mind with the same negative thoughts and retreating back to Mia!
I want to fly away!
I WANT TO BE FUCKING HAPPY WITH MYSELF!
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Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I read your last post where you were happy about meeting a person that understood you. Has something changed?
Tracy
Comment by vizza
LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED
'MIA' was my best friend..
Fear Love Hate Discussion
i try to seperate her from everything else in my life though so she doesnt spoil a good thing!
i am still so so happy with that person hes actually made a big impact on the way i now approach things to do with mia which i havent felt before!
=]