Mia Vs. IT
January 27th 2007 11:49
FEAR?
Giving up Mia..
LOVE?
How she makes me feel..
HATE?
That she is so 'bad' for me!
I hate this!
I wish someone understood how this feels, someone I was close to anyway, someone I know but not enough to know everything about!
My friends and family are an awesome help, but they cant help me enough, I need to help myself before anyone can help me!
I have to want to stop and I don’t want to!
I felt out of control today, again!
I was sitting at the train station and felt as though i was about to lose it.
I ended up continuing to sit there trying distract myself from negative thoughts. I talked myself out of my anxiety, out of IT! IT being my anxiety!
IT is slowly sneaking up on me again, grasping me tightly round the throat, increasing my heart rate giving me the feeling that I am about to die, controlling me, IT is controlling me!
I’ve lost control again, which makes me want to run back to Mia.
I know why IT has come back, because I’ve began to slowly detach myself away from Mia!
Its been 7 days or so since I gave into Mia, since I felt her warmth! Its been hard, I need her, she fights IT.
When Mia is around IT isn’t! IT being my anxiety and depression.
Mia being my Bulimia, my best friend.
I cant stand it.. If I let go of Mia, IT comes back, if I bring her closer IT fucks off! Its a lose lose situation I cant handle the IT, Mia is so much easier to deal with! She is a comfort she relieves me, takes away my stress and gives me my control back!
You may be reading this and think what an idiot, but I don’t expect anyone to understand.
My anxiety is the scariest thing to me, nothing else phases me. Its the worst feeling in the world, I feel so alone, like nothing can help me like it is never going to end, like I’m dieing a slow cruel death. Afraid of IT! And IT alone!
I need Mia!
Giving up Mia..
LOVE?
How she makes me feel..
HATE?
That she is so 'bad' for me!
I hate this!
I wish someone understood how this feels, someone I was close to anyway, someone I know but not enough to know everything about!
My friends and family are an awesome help, but they cant help me enough, I need to help myself before anyone can help me!
I have to want to stop and I don’t want to!
I felt out of control today, again!
I was sitting at the train station and felt as though i was about to lose it.
I ended up continuing to sit there trying distract myself from negative thoughts. I talked myself out of my anxiety, out of IT! IT being my anxiety!
I’ve lost control again, which makes me want to run back to Mia.
I know why IT has come back, because I’ve began to slowly detach myself away from Mia!
Its been 7 days or so since I gave into Mia, since I felt her warmth! Its been hard, I need her, she fights IT.
When Mia is around IT isn’t! IT being my anxiety and depression.
Mia being my Bulimia, my best friend.
I cant stand it.. If I let go of Mia, IT comes back, if I bring her closer IT fucks off! Its a lose lose situation I cant handle the IT, Mia is so much easier to deal with! She is a comfort she relieves me, takes away my stress and gives me my control back!
You may be reading this and think what an idiot, but I don’t expect anyone to understand.
My anxiety is the scariest thing to me, nothing else phases me. Its the worst feeling in the world, I feel so alone, like nothing can help me like it is never going to end, like I’m dieing a slow cruel death. Afraid of IT! And IT alone!
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