one step at a time!
February 15th 2007 03:53
As long as Mia is here the 'real' Vizza isnt.. so 'they' say!
I need her now though, I need Mia now more than anything, but she is the worst thing in my life as of current! Its tearing me apart!
I'm going to admit, I don't feel like me anymore. Im not feeling real, its like Mia isn't enough and I need to move on to something stronger, to make me feel!
But nothing else comforts me the way Mia does. Nothing else eases my pain! Nothing scares me back into reality like Mia does!
Today I'm swarmed with dizziness. I couldn't even lift my head without having a rush of darkness cover my eyes for atleast a minute each time. I hung my head for a good 20 minutes before I felt re energized. With every step I felt I was about to break and tumble to the floor.
Break downs seem to be becoming a daily thing.
My head is still swimming!
I was told I no longer look 'pretty anymore' that I am to 'rakey' what a load of fucking shit!
RAKEY? I wish if I was rakey I wouldnt be doing this, if I was rakey I would be happy!
This wasnt constructive critisism it made me feel I wasnt trying my hardest to look good and made me want to run back to Mia one more time for the day. So I did!
My body was overcome with the spinning sensation once more, and bang Im back Im real I can feel!
I appreciate people care
I had a dispute with a loved one today, I love you more than anything and Im sorry I am hurting you! You know more than anyone what I am going through, because you have been there yourself. Your the only one I know I can depend on through anything. The only one who supports me 100%. The only one who has an impact on making me want to stop!
I want to stop but now isnt the time to just yet, I cant! Thankyou for loving me unconditionally!
Im sorry for breaking your heart!
Im not doing this for anyone but myself, and Im sorry I chose this way to deal with shit but its the only way I can. For now!
I love you!
Today I guess is a semi good day the usual rollercoaster of emotions, but for some strange reason I feel Im a step closer to controlling Mia? Unless its just my mind wanting to think that so I think I have gained control when in reality Im still in the same place I was an hour ago. Although the dispute I had today opened my eyes maybe just a little! And I guess thats a start!
I need her now though, I need Mia now more than anything, but she is the worst thing in my life as of current! Its tearing me apart!
I'm going to admit, I don't feel like me anymore. Im not feeling real, its like Mia isn't enough and I need to move on to something stronger, to make me feel!
But nothing else comforts me the way Mia does. Nothing else eases my pain! Nothing scares me back into reality like Mia does!
Today I'm swarmed with dizziness. I couldn't even lift my head without having a rush of darkness cover my eyes for atleast a minute each time. I hung my head for a good 20 minutes before I felt re energized. With every step I felt I was about to break and tumble to the floor.
My head is still swimming!
I was told I no longer look 'pretty anymore' that I am to 'rakey' what a load of fucking shit!
RAKEY? I wish if I was rakey I wouldnt be doing this, if I was rakey I would be happy!
This wasnt constructive critisism it made me feel I wasnt trying my hardest to look good and made me want to run back to Mia one more time for the day. So I did!
My body was overcome with the spinning sensation once more, and bang Im back Im real I can feel!
I appreciate people care
I had a dispute with a loved one today, I love you more than anything and Im sorry I am hurting you! You know more than anyone what I am going through, because you have been there yourself. Your the only one I know I can depend on through anything. The only one who supports me 100%. The only one who has an impact on making me want to stop!
I want to stop but now isnt the time to just yet, I cant! Thankyou for loving me unconditionally!
Im not doing this for anyone but myself, and Im sorry I chose this way to deal with shit but its the only way I can. For now!
I love you!
Today I guess is a semi good day the usual rollercoaster of emotions, but for some strange reason I feel Im a step closer to controlling Mia? Unless its just my mind wanting to think that so I think I have gained control when in reality Im still in the same place I was an hour ago. Although the dispute I had today opened my eyes maybe just a little! And I guess thats a start!
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