over it?
March 6th 2007 02:17
I woke up this morning feeling like shit, worse than what I usually do anyway!
I am back in Melbourne, relieved, but still miss my Mum so much!!
I am outside my body at the moment, trying to look in, to see what others supposedly see!
But all that is reflected in my eyes is fucking filth, still!
And it just makes me angry!
I began to clean my room, finding soon enough that I had to sit down every couple of minutes due to headspins and the feeling I was going to fall over, my knees were shaking and I just felt plain ill!
I decided I was over this Mia business! going to stop and get rid of her! So I ate.. 2 bites into what I was eating and I felt sicker than before I had started eating and threw it out!
2 minutes I lasted, 2 minutes of hating this Mia bullshit, 2 minutes. Is it an achievment? Not sure!
I am over feeling weak and tired and emotional! I am not usually emotional, I am getting angry over the minor things that wouldn't usually bother me! Only when I am alone.
I think I am angry at myself, no I KNOW I am angry at myself, Im failing to get to where I want to be! I have been binging, but havent been purging!
I have to fast, I have a gig coming up in a week or so and I need to look emaculate! Otherwise they will take one look at me and go, 'next'!
I'm just fed up, I wish there was a way I could snap my fingers and be beautiful!
I am back in Melbourne, relieved, but still miss my Mum so much!!
I am outside my body at the moment, trying to look in, to see what others supposedly see!
But all that is reflected in my eyes is fucking filth, still!
And it just makes me angry!
I began to clean my room, finding soon enough that I had to sit down every couple of minutes due to headspins and the feeling I was going to fall over, my knees were shaking and I just felt plain ill!
I decided I was over this Mia business! going to stop and get rid of her! So I ate.. 2 bites into what I was eating and I felt sicker than before I had started eating and threw it out!
I am over feeling weak and tired and emotional! I am not usually emotional, I am getting angry over the minor things that wouldn't usually bother me! Only when I am alone.
I think I am angry at myself, no I KNOW I am angry at myself, Im failing to get to where I want to be! I have been binging, but havent been purging!
I have to fast, I have a gig coming up in a week or so and I need to look emaculate! Otherwise they will take one look at me and go, 'next'!
I'm just fed up, I wish there was a way I could snap my fingers and be beautiful!
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