What do wives really want in a husband?
November 25th 2007 07:11
A barbeque
Jim and I had the most wonderful weekend and I still managed to get to my cooking class and to vote.
I'd forgotten the election when I had asked Mum and Dad over to meet Tinkerbelle, whom they insisted on calling kitty, on Sunday for a barbeque. This was a novel experience for them as I usually went back home to visit.
It took me all my time to convince Mum that I was really quite capable of feeding them, she was offering to bring all types of food and when we were talking on the phone about it I could hear Dad saying, best take a picnic hamper and chuckling away to himself. Mind you as I had never demonstrated any culinary skills before I can't say I was surprised by their attitude.
I found the prospect of giving a barbeque quite exciting.
Jim and I opted to spend Saturday night at home and watch the exciting but rather sad results on the TV so I was feeling very relaxed but it did mean I had rather a late night.
Nonetheless I did not worry too much about the next day as Jim had volunteered to tackle my new barbeque equipment and do the cooking outside, leaving me to set up and prepare the other foods.
It all went over very well really, Dad yapped away at Jim to his heart's content about the election results, he always took great interest in such things, Jim was quite easy going about such matters, in fact almost indifferent which was a blessing as that way he was happy to agree with anything Dad had to say, making him a fine young man in dad's estimation and the fact that Jim had a good job put him even higher up the ranks.
Dad started to hint around a bit about the two of us but fortunately Mum was wise enough to deflect him, I didn't want Jim frightened away by having to declare his intentions, although I don't think he would have minded, he was rushing me a bit and this was making my old insecurities set in.
I loved Jim's company and he was great fun and very amenable but would he make a good husband, and what was a good husband anyway.
Jim's gone home now as have my parents, Mum thought the cat was lovely and dad is actually quite fond of animals, I'm not too sure how Tinkerbelle felt about them but she offered no resistance and had a great time roaming around outside her pen and going in and out of the 'big' door.
But now that everything is quiet I was thinking just what women wanted in their husbands.
According to marriage counsellors It can be confusing to try to figure out what a partner wants. And men, in particular, are having a harder time than ever because of changing expectations on the part of many females. In the past, it was enough for a husband to be a good provider, to have stable employment, and to bring home an adequate paycheck. If he didn’t ordinarily drink too much, gamble his paycheck away, mistreat his wife, or blatantly run around, then he was considered a “good husband.”
But now, that’s not enough anymore for many females. Enter the age of the “soulmate”—a word that signifies a deep bond and heart connection, someone who’s on the same “wave length” as his or her partner. Soulmates are compatible and bring out the best in each other. The relationship has satisfying intimacy and includes friendship and companionship as well as love.
The connection between soulmates is sustained by emotional intimacy and the delight the partners share at having found each other. They share feelings easily and keep each other informed as to what they’re feeling, what concerns they’re wrestling with, what they’re worried about, and what their hopes and dreams are. Soulmates often say they feel a spiritual as well as an emotional connection to their partner.
The connection between soulmates is sustained by emotional intimacy and the delight the partners share at having found each other. They share feelings easily and keep each other informed as to what they’re feeling, what concerns they’re wrestling with, what they’re worried about, and what their hopes and dreams are. Soulmates often say they feel a spiritual as well as an emotional connection to their partner.
So I was wondering how others felt about such things and thought I would pose the question. I'd be especially delighted if men,too, would respond, as, after all, it does take two to tango and these seem to be very lofty ideas and I wonder if they are attainable and there are a lot of unhappy people out there who would be just as happy to accept the old option not having found such a partner in real life.
What do YOU think? and how do you feel?
I'd love to know.
the barbeque food
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Comment by katyzzz
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But that's a very prosaic view and others may see things a little differently. I just know that a lot of females aren't getting anything like what they want and that means getting a husband, at all, while declaring valiantly that they don't want one.
Expect nothing from men and that's about all you'll get.
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
A friend of ours used to adhere to the adage that in this life men either married 'a good looker' or 'a good cooker' - both (he maintained) had their virtues.
Flippant attitude aside - some of us have just been blessed.
And it's not about actively looking for a partner (as you would a car, a house or a consumable) its sometimes just about knowing.
It just feels right. Scary - sure - but often the whole thing just creeps up on you and before you realise it . . .
The physical is often the spark - the emotion is the fuel and connection is what keeps the flame glowing.
MNG
Comment by Aimzster
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PS. I love your family scenario - reminds me of mine.
Comment by Lilla
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Comment by Michaelie
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It's laughable, or would be, if patriarchy wasn't so real in this sense in past generations, and even now.
The number one thing I look for in EVERYONE I become close to, friend or lover, is a genuine sense of humour. I think it says a lot about people if they don't have one.
Michaelie
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
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This is a subject I've pondered about many times; my kids asked questions about the matter, and quite frankly, I didn't have ready answers to offer. Just life experience.
Most women I know, acknowledge that the predominant male figure in their life, usually dad (and other males in the immediate family) set the standard that they use to gauge other men. Be it a positive or negative relational experience(s).
Women with crappy self esteem, self loathing have been for the large part been the victim of negative experiences with these early influences; physical, emotional and sexual abuse is rarely forgotten or easily overcome. These unfortunates seem to consistently turn to drugs, alcohol and equally crappy partners.
Those women that have really healthy self esteem and sense of self worth have been the benefactor of positive male figures in their formative years. The later years in life guarantee they're going to run into jerks; male and female.
It also appears to me that there are fewer occurrences of sexual identity issues, when the early experiences are filled with positive interactions with the men in their lives, especially father figures.
Generalizing: make a list of positive attributes that you find appealing in a life partner and decide who comes the closest to those attributes, then try out the individual through the time honored dating system and only when that cycle has completed itself, decide whether or not to go to the next level.
Heaven or hell is in the choices we make; but what do I know, I'm a guy.
Raven
Comment by Lilla
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An Extra Ordinary Life
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Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Whilst all the above is true for me, the sad fact is that men are happier when married, women are not. Statistics and scientific evidence now prooves that women are unhappier after 15 years of marraige than when they are single.
I guess the sad simple fact is that we can live without them, but rather than face that truth, we conjur up excuses...perhaps excuses for having leapt without looking in the first place.
Perhaps that's why love is blind, or we'd never leap?
I find often in my counselling work is that most women will try to fix all the problems of their lives with a relationship... rather than hanging out for real love... I was no different.
I think women are fickle creatures at the best of times and especially in marriage - maybe it's something to do with giving so much in childbirth that does it, I don't know?
Cheers
Lilla ...
Comment by Louie
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good luck.....
Comment by Holly Go Lightly
Movie Mage
Holly, you've all heard of ME
Comment by Krystal
feelings
Mr. Nice Guy, you really are well named and your closing remarks were absolute gems
Aimz, I think many families do run true to form in certain ways, quite funny really,
And you have given us a different perspective, I think you’re far more accepting than I could ever be.
Lilla, you make it all sound such fun and so happy, can I get one of those types of male on prescription?
Michaelie, sense of humour is great and an absolute must, but I’m afraid it won’t put bread on the table and my grandmother has a saying,” Love flies out of the window as poverty enters the door” She’s a great old lady and full of wisdom.
Wonderfully true, Raven, but I guess at the end of the day it’s a bit of a gamble, I want someone like my dad, but not too sure about my brothers.
Lilla, you continue to delight me but if I’m not careful no male will ever do.
Louie, sooner or later you are going to have to give it some wise thought but I think you know that already.
Holly, do you really think a movie star will deliver, think about it.
Thank you all for such wonderful input, I have taken it all in, very sobering really, and I thought I was the serious one.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Trust and respect, and I guess thrown along with that is honesty. PLUS...deep and meaningful conversations, and a sense of adventure.
A bonus would be if he can do housework and cook as well
Comment by Krystal
feelings