writers block? so I thought!
February 19th 2007 11:06
I am not sitting in my usual surroundings, I am not using my usual keyboard, I am not listening to my usual music, I am not drinking my usual Milo..
So this blog may or may not vary greatly from my usual posts.
I am at my boyfriends house in his room, using his computer listening to him play xbox, with no milo! But I am very content, much more content than I thought I would be.
I don't feel any Mia vibes, thought she is still lingering on my shoulder. But for some reason shes's keeping her mouth shut this evening.
I have a slight feeling of 'IT' coming on, aka my anxiety, but it isn't bothering me, it's trying to get to me, but it won't succeed. But still making its presence known!
It may not be to others, but to me it is a big thing to stay over at someone elses house. Im not usually comfortable to do so as I am not in my own surroundings, I am not in my own bed, I am just not in my own zone. I usually can't handle staying the night at someone elses house whether they are family or one of my closest friends.
But here I am at my boyfriends house, feeling as though I would if I were at home. I still feel safe like I would, calm like I would, content like I would and happy like I would. Just not in my own surroundings. And thanks to my boy I feel perfectly fine, he doesn't realise the impact he has on my feelings right now! Oblivious to the fact Im even writing about him because his engrossed in his xbox! And mumbling some random song, and uttering a swear word here or there, cute! haha!
I don't know why Mia isn't having an impact on me tonight, I don't feel the need to run to her safe house, and even if I did I wouldn't because I am not in my own home! And to purge in anothers house is fucking very disrespectful no matter how badly I yearn to do so!
But like I said, there is no current urge, only feelings of filth, as per usual!
If Mia's strength does arise, it will be a long night but I will deal with it, theres always tomorrow to 'fast'!
Since realising I actually love this guy, feelings of Mia have subsided a little to a degree! To know I am in love and loved makes a huge difference on how I see myself. If he can love me for me, why can't I?
So this blog may or may not vary greatly from my usual posts.
I am at my boyfriends house in his room, using his computer listening to him play xbox, with no milo! But I am very content, much more content than I thought I would be.
I don't feel any Mia vibes, thought she is still lingering on my shoulder. But for some reason shes's keeping her mouth shut this evening.
I have a slight feeling of 'IT' coming on, aka my anxiety, but it isn't bothering me, it's trying to get to me, but it won't succeed. But still making its presence known!
But here I am at my boyfriends house, feeling as though I would if I were at home. I still feel safe like I would, calm like I would, content like I would and happy like I would. Just not in my own surroundings. And thanks to my boy I feel perfectly fine, he doesn't realise the impact he has on my feelings right now! Oblivious to the fact Im even writing about him because his engrossed in his xbox! And mumbling some random song, and uttering a swear word here or there, cute! haha!
I don't know why Mia isn't having an impact on me tonight, I don't feel the need to run to her safe house, and even if I did I wouldn't because I am not in my own home! And to purge in anothers house is fucking very disrespectful no matter how badly I yearn to do so!
If Mia's strength does arise, it will be a long night but I will deal with it, theres always tomorrow to 'fast'!
Since realising I actually love this guy, feelings of Mia have subsided a little to a degree! To know I am in love and loved makes a huge difference on how I see myself. If he can love me for me, why can't I?
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